It isn’t in my Blood

I know last one was quite a negative one, which is not usually me but I had to get it out of my system without hurting or harming anyone. I really hope that who so ever read that article doesn’t think that having friends is a bad thing, all I wanted to say is surround yourself with positive vibes and good-hearted people. Anyways today I kind of just want to talk about importance of persistence in our life. From a very young age my mother has engraved in my brain that nothing comes easy in life, you have to work hard for it. I have followed this philosophy throughout my life and I hope I continue to do so in future as well.

When I was going for an internship abroad, I needed a visa. I only had a 2 days to get all of my paper work done as I received documents from my company pretty late. I went to the embassy to submit all the documents. While the Officer at the counter (say Officer X) were reviewing my documents, he told me that some of the information that my company had sent was incorrect and that I need to get them to send updated documents for approval of the visa. As the updates were really minor, I explained to them my situation and told them that I needed the visa urgently but he didn’t budge and asked me to get the new documents. After a few attempts to convince him to give me the visa and failing miserably, Officer X ensured me that if I tell the officer at door (say Officer Y) his name the next day, I could skip the line as he has all my other documents with him and that he would get my passport back to me the same day. That gave me a little bit of hope. This happened on a Thursday afternoon. I was in total panic mode right after I got out of the embassy, emailing, calling my company to send me the corrected documents as soon as possible. Luckily my company agreed to express post the documents so that I don’t miss my start date (Monday). My dad even called the post office to tell them to keep the package in the post office and we will pick it up from there in the morning. We gave them all of the package information, name, address, everything.

As nothing goes per plan in my life, next morning right at 9 AM when we went to the post office, the letter was already with the delivery boy wandering on the streets of the city. The person we talked to on Thursday evening apparently didn’t make a proper note despite us telling him 20 million times to please keep it in the post office. They tried to call the delivery guy and get a hold of him but no answer. We didn’t even know the area where he could be in. They told us to go back to our place and wait for him there while they try to get a hold of him to deliver my mail first before going around to other houses.

After almost an hour and half of me pacing around in my house (around 11 AM) the delivery guy finally showed up with my mail. We literally grabbed all my stuff and drove to the embassy as soon as the package was in my hand. I didn’t even open the package until I was already on the road. I finally thought things will go smoothly when it started to pore like no tomorrow. Instead of getting to the embassy in half hour it took us 10-15 extra minutes. As soon as we got there I literally jumped out of the car before my dad could even stop the car completely. Lucky for me by the time we got to the embassy it almost stopped raining. It was only drizzling so it wasn’t as bad as before. I went and stood in the line to enter the embassy.

There were about 10 people ahead of me in the line. I was pretty happy that I made it. The website said that the embassy is open till 2 pm, so I was sure I will make it inside. After about 10 minutes (around 11:55 AM), the officer at the door (Officer Y) took about 6-7 people inside and then told the rest of us that the embassy is closed. I was dumbfounded. I swear I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do. I asked the officer what was going on and he said something about it being the 3rd or 4th Friday of the month or something and that they are closing early, so we have to come back on Monday to get the visa. I didn’t know what to say. Just like how Joe said “Could I be wearing any more clothes” I literally felt like saying out loud “Could there be any more problems in these 24 hours”. After about 10 minutes when I could finally think, I told the Officer Y my situation that I won’t be able to start my internship and that this is very important to me. He said unfortunately he can’t do anything. Then I remembered what Officer X at the counter said on Thursday. I quickly looked through my documents to find his name and told Officer Y that Officer X told me that you will let me in and he will approve the visa. I told him that he has all my documents already. I gave him my application number in the hopes that Officer X will keep his word. Officer Y went in to check with Officer X.

Lo & behold, Officer X blankly refused. He told Officer Y that he never said such a thing. I swore so many bad words in my brain I can’t even tell you. If there is a word beyond shocked I was in that state. This made me mad and sad but a part of me told me I need to try again. I can’t let this happen. This is unfair. I paced around for another 10-15 minutes, and then requested Officer Y again to let me in. He said no again. Went to my dad told him the situation, he said go try again. Went back to Officer Z who was standing with Officer Y, she said no as well. This went on for almost an hour. It started to rain again so I decided to finally stop and go back home. I went back to the car and my dad started to drive slowing out of the parking. As we were driving out of the area for some reason I had this urge that I want to go and try one more time. My dad who is always so supportive of what I want to do, drove me right to the embassy. I asked one more time to Officer X to be considerate and let me in. He could see how badly I wanted it. He finally let me into the embassy.

For a second I couldn’t believe what he said. You have no idea how happy and content I was in that moment. It was like I won a battle or something. I went in, it was the same Officer X at the counter and you know what he said. “Oh, you made it in. Well done.” I was quite annoyed at him but was so happy at my accomplishment that I didn’t care much about him at that point. I just gave him the documents. As officially the office was closed he couldn’t process my visa that day so I had to delay my flight by a day but that wasn’t as bad as just not being able to go for the internship at all.

Now that I think about it, it wasn’t that big deal. I could have just gone on Monday and given the documents. Delayed the flight by 3-4 days if anything but it was very important to me in that moment. I was a young girl with lots of hopes and dreams (well I still am). I don’t think giving up was my thing or if it will ever be. It isn’t in my blood (this song is beautiful by the way).

I swear I have too many stories like these. I feel like my parents also suffer through so much because of my bad luck. Anyways, these situations do make up some really amazing memories from my distant past that keep reminding me to how strong I can be when I want something. There will always be people who will tell you that you can’t achieve your goals or try to pull you down but have faith in yourself and your actions. Don’t stop doing something because you failed in your first attempt or your second attempt, rather keep trying until you get it right. Hard work will always pay off, it may be in the form of a success or a lesson learnt but it will be useful in some shape or form. There will always be light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep walking towards it.

You may see me struggle but you will never see me quit. – C. J Watson

Until next time..

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Frienemy

Today I delt with a really annoying person and to be honest I just need to rant about it so that my rest of the day goes well. Lemme give a bit of back story before we dive into the rant.

This weekend was a really hectic weekend for me. I had a dance performance over the weekend for which we (my dance group) were preparing hard all weekend long. The night before the performance this friend of mine (who I don’t want to call that anymore) asks me that I need to pick her up the next morning coz her sister needs her car. We had to report at 8:30 am for practice the next day and mind you her house wasn’t like next door. I said no but she pretty much begged me that no one else could come so I felt bad n said yes.

Next day I wake up super early just to accommodate her before getting to the dance class. Before leaving for her place I asked her if she wanted breakfast as I was planning to pick for myself too and had a cafe close by. My intent was that if she wants it then I wanted her to have that before hand so that we are not late for class. She said that she also wanted  to get breakfast and we should just get it together after I pick her up. Me being a dumbass thought she was being courteous for me picking her up that morning and she will just treat me to breakfast. I picked her up and asked her where the cafe was to pick up the breakfast and this idiot (or overly smart and miser person) tells me that she didn’t check. I was so shocked. She told me that she can check now and basically found all the places that were 15-20 minutes away, which we couldn’t afford to go to considering we would have been late for our class.

I said forget it and just got to the class. So basically NO BREAKFAST that too before a long dance class. Mind you it was no ordinary class. We were going to be there all day long and I was starting to dread my day already. We got through 1/3rd of the class and we got 10 minutes break where I literally ran to get breakfast. Lo and behold it wasn’t like I could just get rid of this leach. I had to take her with me. Agghh I’m so mad as you can tell from my tone. Sorry not SORRY.. We went to a cafe to grab food. She pretty nicely ordered her food, paid, moved on. I went on ordered my food, paid, and as I was about to leave, I hear her say.. “oh I should have paid for you”. I mean heck yea.. you should have paid for me before I paid not like tell me about it once I have paid for it already. And trust me they just seemed words. I don’t think she had even 1% intension of paying.

We went back to class, it went on for a few more hours until lunch came around. They ordered pizzas. I was indifferent to pizza considering I just had it the night before. This girl all of a sudden tells me “Oh I am on a diet, I can’t eat this. I need my salad.” I swear I wanted to slap her when she said that. I told her I am too tired to drive and there is a salad place 10 minutes walking distance that she can go and get it. She being the mighty princess didn’t want to walk. She asked me if I couldn’t drive than she can take my car. I was boiling by now and giving her my car was the last thing I would have done on this planet. I had to take her out to get food.

It didn’t just stop here. Once the practice was over we had to get ready and go to the performance location. It felt like she didn’t bring anything herself. Took one thing from this person, other thing from the next, asked one person to do her hair, asked another to fix her dress, and there you go she was ready the fastest, while everyone else was still struggled to get everything done on time. When I asked her for help, her first reaction was oh yeah I will help you but let me put on my lipstick first. She took good 10 minutes just fixing her lipstick. Basically she was no help. I pretty much did the whole thing myself. I should have just expected that.

We left for our performance. I parked at a location I knew wasn’t super expensive and was about 10 minutes walk to the performance site. She had so much problem with that I have no idea why. “Oh we will have to walk so much with so much stuff. Blah Blah..” Mind you there were 2 other girls with me, who had no problems with it at all. They even offered to split the parking ticket. She was so reluctant to say yes to that it was annoying to watch.

We got to the performance site and were doing our touch ups. She borrowed my eye linear to fix hers, of course she didn’t have her own. Once she was done, she announced to the whole group, “oh I have an eyeliner if anyone needs theirs fixed ask me.”. I was sooooooo maddd. OMG it wasn’t even her eye liner. She used it for good 15 people even though I asked her to return it to me right away. I probably looked so mean to all the others in the group because of her.

It didn’t just end here. When the performance finished and we were about to leave I waited for so long for her, when she said she was packing her costume and instead she was just standing there fixing her hair. After the performance as well, when we were walking to my car she kept taunting me for parking being so far. She wanted me to drive her home and I told her heck no. Ask someone in your family to come pick you up from my place but there is no way I am driving you to your place. I was so done with this person. Oh and the cherry on the cake was she didn’t even bother saying a thanks before leaving.

After this incident one thing is for sure, I don’t want her in my friend circle. It is better to not have friends than to have friends like her. I don’t usually hate people around me but she has now become an exception. Considering I have to keep seeing her as she is in my dance classes it might be difficult but by no way in hell I am saying yes to her again. I really hope she learns her lesson one day and understand how utterly ungrateful, rude, and cheap she is.

Don’t fear the enemy that attacks you, but the fake friend that hugs you – Anonymous

Uggghhhh… Until next time…

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Values

From a very young age my parents always taught me that our values are the most important representation of our family. They show the successful upbringing of a child. My grandparents laid the foundation of these values for me. They were the 4 pillars of our family who gave 100% to their families. I always wanted to have a tattoo that is highly significant in my life and what can be better than the four words I use to describe the roots of my family.

Honesty – Our first pillar is a word that I use to describe my grandfather on dad’s side. He was the most honest man in my life. In his line of work he often had to deal with corrupt people but he never even once feared them or worried about the consequences of opposing them. Because of his nature he and his family suffered countless set backs financially in his lifetime but he refused to support anything but the truth, anything but the hard work, anything but fairness, and anything but his moral values. I knew the path will be difficult but I chose to follow my grandpa’s footsteps. Not gonna lie, my heart wavers sometimes from following this path when I look at all the bad ways of the world but then I think about my grandpa and cannot bring myself to be the same as others. I always thank him for keeping me on the right track.

Talent – Our second pillar represents my granny on my dad’s side. She is the most fun of them all. She is like a magician. There is nothing that she can’t do. She loves singing, dancing, cooking, sewing, drawing, making yummy sweets, and of course troubling everyone. She can be super duper dramatic at times but everyone loves her for her funny and innocent nature. I think its her genes passed along to all of us, thanks to which we all have been blessed with one if not many of those talents. She has always taught me to live to the fullest. She will enjoy herself no matter where she is and no matter how hard the time might be. She taught me that life is too short and there is no time to regret. She taught me if you love to do something then do it and do it with confidence. Don’t settle for mediocrity, if you have talent then pursue it but give it your 200%.

Selflessness – Third would be my grandmother on my mom’s side. She was the most selfless women I have met in my life. She was there to support my gramps through thick and thin. She never thought about anything except needs of her family. She always put them first over herself. No matter how hard the life was for her, she was always smiling. She taught me the importance of smiling. A tip for you, next time you are in a train or a bus or any other public transport, try smiling at a stranger. Trust me a smile is the most contagious thing and it gives a very internal satisfaction that is hard to explain. I usually feel all shy if someone smile back at me but I do it anyway. Who knows may be it will make someones day. 🙂

Determination – Last but the most important pillar of my family, my gramps from mum’s side. He had a really rough childhood. His parents passed away at a very young age and his aunts and uncles didn’t want him to study. He studied secretly through out his middle school and high school because he loved studying. He earned on the side to support his education because there was no help or support from his then family. Once he was married, he chose to have a huge family with lots of girls and he never treated them any different from the boys in the family. He was determined to provide, all of his children, the best of the education even though he didn’t have enough money to buy new clothes for next 5-6 years. Whatever he had he spent it on his kids. Even when they were far away with their own families, he never missed a weekend to call all of his children and their kids. When I say all I mean ALL. I can still remember him calling me after each of my important exams, my first interview, my birthday, my first day at work. He never missed a single date, not for me and not for any of my cousins, or my aunts and uncles. I guess that’s why my mum calls me everyday no matter how annoyed I get. It’s all your fault gramps. -__- Anyways I call him the glue of our family because without him we would have probably all gone separate ways.

These four words might not carry as much weight for anyone else but the amount of pride they carry for me is not measurable. I am thankful to my four pillars for the luxurious life I have now. Thanks to their sacrifices, love, and devotion to their families, I am where I am in life and I am who I am as a person. I hope they are all watching over me and guide me to the right path in the future as well. I hope I can be as honest, talented, selfless, and strong willed as they were. Ok my heart is hurting now.. I need to go otherwise I will start crying.

The roots of education are bitter but the fruit is sweet – Aristotle

Until next time..

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Love at First Sight

Do you believe in love at first sight? Even though I have always been tomboyish kinda girl, there has always been a side of me that loves fairytales. I can watch any rom com or sad romantic movies over and over but not get bored of them. I have seen P.S. I love you probably over 10 times and still cry like a baby every time I watch it.

Being such a girly girl when it comes to movies, I always believed in love at First Sight (or like now some people call it infatuation at first sight) and I really wanted to experience it. I always thought of this fairytale like story where we both fall in love instantly and start dating and probably get married. Well it actually did happen to me (I mean at least the love at first sight part). 😀

I was on exchange with some of my other classmates from my university. Just like any other group we were having a lot of fun exploring the area, visiting new cities every weekend, trying to make the most of the short semester we got to spend there. One day while walking back from a long day of classes we  noticed some of the university students preparing for some event that was going to happen in the university. Some were practicing their dance routines, some were singing, and some were modelling. We stuck around to watch what was going on as it was very new to all of us. Uhmm.. We try to focus on our academics in our university #nerdlife.

When they were finishing up I noticed a group of noisy boys having a lot of fun teasing each other. Out of those boys, one guy stood out to me. I told my girl friends about him and asked for reassurances if he was actually as handsome as I found him to be or was I just drooling over a bunch of boys from another country. They found him OK, but I couldn’t take my eyes of him. Heck I don’t think I noticed any other boy in that group. My eyes were practically glued to him. I think our eyes met at some point and he smiled back at me (no I wasn’t imagining it). We went to our dorms and they disappeared to their’s after that but that night I basically couldn’t think of anything else but him and I was super excited at the thought of may be I will get to see him tomorrow again.

Next evening, I dragged my friends to the same place where they were preparing for the university event. Lo and behold, he or his group was nowhere to be seen. After waiting around for about an hour we decided that it was time to leave. To our surprise as we were about to leave, two girls approached us asking where we were from and if we wanted to take part in the modelling event. We were pretty shocked but so excited to interact with local students that we said yes none the less. Next thing we know, we were practicing with them every evening. They were really nice and helped us a lot considering we had zero experience with any of that. One of our friends decided to join the singing practices as she preferred singing over modelling and they welcomed her with open arms (not literally).

A few days passed by but I didn’t see him even once. I thought it was all a big dream and I was just imagining the guy. I stopped expecting that they would ever show up again and to my surprise that same day they showed up for the practice. And guess what they were also going to model with us. I was so nervous and happy that I could hear my heart pounding. That hadn’t happened in a very long time. We didn’t talk much but definitely made eye contact a few times. From that day onwards I saw him on practice a few times until the day of the event. We didn’t talk much but whenever our eyes met we smiled at each other. I think he knew that I liked him.

Soon enough the day of the event came and we all happily performed at the event. We took a lot of pictures and I tried to take a few with him as well. Funny thing is I am very oblivious and stupid when it comes to matters of heart. I only see the person I like lol. Apparently a few guys wanted to be friends with me, take pictures with me but I didn’t even notice it coz I was too busy looking at him. 😛 oh well.. I think I made my feelings too obvious and he knew where this was going.  Few days after the event, the photographs from the event came out. I was in the cafeteria when sudden I saw him walking towards me and sitting next to me. He told me the pictures were out and if I wanted to go with him to pick them up. My heart literally dropped to my stomach and just like an idiot I am, I yelled NO I CAN’T. I could barely even breathe when he was that close to me, going alone with him anywhere would have probably given me a heart attack. Yes, I am an idiot. I was too nervous and inexperienced with all of these things.

Well sadly we went to collect the photographs separately and I bought all the photographs including the one with just him and me. I probably stared at it a lot more than I should have but oh well who cares it was love at first sight. I didn’t see much of him after that and kind of made peace with the fact that my exchange was going to be over soon and we won’t get to see each other again. I came back and started my university life again.

Few months later we connected on social media and started talking again. And guess what, he told me he liked me the first time he saw me that night. 🙂 I don’t know how true that was, if he was just saying it for the sake of saying it but I was very happy to know it was love at sight for the both of us. May be if we had more time to spend with each other and if I wasn’t so scared to go out with him when he asked me to, things would have been different, but I still cherish this encounter dearly and wish that it happens to me again. Unlike many other love stories this one didn’t have a happy ending but I am glad I got to experience something beautiful.

I didn’t choose you, i just took one look at you, and then there was just no turning back. – t.

Until next time…

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I Wish I Could Love Myself

Emotion is a dangerous thing, people will call you heartless if you show less of it or call you dramatic if you show too much of it. Either way it is really hard to understand what our emotions are if we get caught up in the facade of society and what other people think of us.

I was reading Lilly Singh’s book “How to be a Bawse”. If you thrive on positive energy and need that boast of encouragement then I would definitely recommend this book to you. In one of her chapters **SPOILER ALERT** she asked her readers to list 5 things that you honestly love about yourself. And to my surprise I couldn’t list even one. Whenever a quality came to my mind, for example that I help others a lot, I heard myself narrating back to myself, but I didn’t help this, this, and this person, so no I don’t have this quality. Same thing happened with many other different qualities that I tried to jot down. In the end I felt really sad and I gave up on writing anything but this thought that I wasn’t able to think of even one thing that I liked about myself bothered me a lot. I tried to come back to this chapter again and again for next 2 months but I wasn’t able to write a single thing down.

The last time I opened that chapter, I sighed and unconsciously said “I wish I could love myself”. I was a little surprised at my thought and ended up crying a lot while writing those words in the blank space underneath the question. I came to a realization that I didn’t love myself anymore. In the whole process of loosing myself and finding myself again in the last 2 years, I have been so hard on myself that I constantly judged my actions. Perhaps the reason I couldn’t love others is because I can’t even love myself. I don’t know how true it is but I do think that loving ourselves is very important to be mentally healthy. One has to be able to accept themselves to be able to embrace others. I started noticing that I am too critical of myself. Every time I made a mistake I was pulling myself down a lot. I was criticizing myself that I am not good enough and I need to work harder, more, better.

In a way it is good that I am trying to improve myself to become a better version of me, but in a lot of ways it was leading to anxiety and self consciousness without me even trying to cause these mental issues for myself. Now that I think about it in last year or so, I have started to doubt my actions, overthink my reactions, and become super emotional. I have always liked to be centre of attraction in my group, which still hasn’t changed much but earlier I used to be carefree. I didn’t care what others thought of me, how I looked, how they reacted if I said something immature, but now its a whole another story. It seems like all I want to do is please everyone around me. I feel like a show off, wanna be who is trying too hard to be in the centre of everything that’s going on in the group but has realized that its not the case or probably was never the case. I think you can probably feel the negativity from my words as well, but then again this is like my dairy where I get to express whatever I want.

In a way it is good that I am aware of what is happening to me and I can take control of the situation before it goes out of hand. Here are some of the things I’m thinking of doing in the coming days and see if they work for me.

  1. Drink lots of water
  2. Eat healthy
  3. Exercise
  4. Every week spend some time pampering myself
  5. After finishing a major task, give myself pat on the back for completing it. Reward/treat myself for it, even if it is a small treat.
  6. Understand my limitations and learn to say no to things/people.
  7. Meditate, practice deep breathing for better blood circulation in the body, even if it is for 5 minutes.

Life is too short to get caught up in these things. I know that sometimes it feels like it is impossible to get out of this overthinking, anxiety phase, but like my dad always says “impossible” actually means “I M Possible”. There is nothing that I can’t do. So I will give this my best shot as well and won’t let it stop me from being who I am and what I can achieve in life. So if you are in a similar situation, don’t feel alone, share your pain with me if it helps, and love yourself because you are beautiful the way you are.

You carry so much love in your heart, give some to yourself – R.Z.

Until next time..

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Born Average with No Regrets

Who doesn’t wish to know what their future holds? People use so many different ways to understand which direction their lives might be going in or to find the right path to have a successful life. Astrology is one of those ways that people strongly believe in and use to predict the future. Just like a lot of people out there, my parents also strongly believe in the science behind astrology and whatever else that comes with it.

Personally I don’t have anything against anyone’s believes or faith, but I do believe that one shouldn’t get blinded by these predictions. Anyways.. so based on such predictions, my mother once told the teenage me two things: one that I will have to work really hard to achieve anything in life because my life will be hard and that’s the only way I will achieve my goals. Honestly I still take pride in working hard and achieving my goals, so I didn’t really mind this one but the second one kinda broke my heart.

She told me that my life will always be average, my grades will always be average, the things I achieve in life will be average. I mean as a teenager those words hit me pretty bad. Intentionally or unintentionally (I hope unintentionally..) she said something that still somewhere in my heart hurts me from time to time.

Initially I was very sad, I felt very defeated, lost, doubted myself when I made any decision, cried alone as I didn’t want to show her that I was weak or I was average, but over the years I have slowly realized that what she said was just a prediction, no one knows what the future really holds and those words only hurt me if I let them hurt me. I will be honest, yes so far my life has been average. I didn’t get the best grades in high school like my cousins did, I didn’t get the best grades in university either like my classmates did, my first job was pretty average paying, I don’t really have a lot of savings, etc., etc. But I got into one of the best universities because I had a lot of extracurricular experience that others didn’t have, I learnt at least 6 different types of dances, a lot of volunteer work, leading clubs, and organizing events during my university, even though the pay I got was pretty average, I managed to pay off my loans the fastest amongst my friends and without any financial support from my parents.

I’m not trying to brag about myself but just what to explain that it is all about prospective. Some people might think that I have a pretty average life, considering I don’t have my own house, an expensive car, or I mean.. even a bf at this point of time but some may think that I have the best life because I have achieved so much in this lifetime through my experiences. I am OK with being average as long as I know that I work hard to achieve my goals, that I have a sea of happy and satisfying memories with me, and that I can die with no regrets.

Always remember, that the only thing that you take with you when you die is your memory, so make as many good, happy, joyful memories as you can. Do what makes you happy. Be successful in your own way. You don’t have to be the richest person on this planet, but if you love doing what you are doing and consistently work hard to achieve what you thrive for then I am sure you will be successful. Don’t hold yourself back. Fill your life with experiences that you will cherish forever. Don’t fear being average rather use it as an inspiration to work harder and prove others wrong. Be positive. Don’t feel let down by things other people say. Don’t compare yourself to others. Just focus on yourself and making urself better than you were a day before and the day before that.

Too much motivational talk? Well you needed it, so I am giving it to you loud and clear. Now stop wasting your time here and get back to achieving your goals. And like BTS says: “Love Myself, Love Yourself”.

Until next time..

Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the Outcome. – Arthur Ashe

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A Spoonful of Motivation

Recently I have been obsessing over BTS and their music. While researching about them I read about Suga’s mixtape (Agust D) and heard a few songs from his album. I cry every time I hear “So Far Away” from that album. It is crazy how music can touch our lives even if we don’t know what the lyrics are saying. I guess it is true that music is all about feelings, it is not bound by language, age, religion, or gender of a person.

I think I relate to this boy band so much because I feel they were common people like us and they have gone through the same struggles as many of us go on a daily bases. They are humble and appreciate the small things in life regardless of their stardom. I hope they stay that way forever.

I come from an average family as well. My parents worked really hard to provide for us, sacrificed a lot in order to bring our family to where we are right now, and I will forever be in debt to them for that. I sometimes take them for granted but I really wish I stopped doing that. I hope they know that I love them a lot. Actually, if anyone else is reading this, then you should tell your parents how much you love them, because we often forget to tell them how much they mean to us until it is too late. I will do the same. Anyways..

They always taught me that people who work hard achieve way more than people who are talented but don’t do anything with their talent. One can make an average life to extraordinary just by adding hard work to a passion. And I truly believe in this mantra for life. I have worked really hard to get to where I am, I have failed many times but I get up every time and run to achieve my goals but lately I feel very demotivated. I feel scared to fail, scared to be judged by others, scared to not be good enough for my family, scared to just have an average life and I hate to feel scared.

I know I need to work very hard to get to where I want to be and I need to run so hard to achieve my goals that I don’t have time to look back.. but how? I read a quote saying “If you can’t motivate yourself then you can’t achieve anything” and its stuck in my head because I am not able to motivate myself. There are many paths that I can choose but not sure which one is the right now or if there is a right path. Life feels like an escape room with so many locks, no exit, and time slipping out of my hand.

My dad always told me this story of my childhood to motivate me. I was a little baby (probably 3) then and I wanted to get in the back of a van that we owned at that time. It was a little high for me so I was struggling a lot. My grandpa saw me struggling and moved closer to help me but my dad stopped him. He told him that she needs to do this for herself, I am there to support her. My dad stood behind me not helping me but making sure he was there to catch me if I fall. After struggling for about 10-15 minutes I finally made it up the back of the van. I dusted off my hands and smiled at my dad with so much pride in my eyes that he could never forget that moment. I really appreciate him having faith in me and making me believe in myself that I could do anything.

I wanted to talk about this story to motivate myself that my parents have so much faith in me, I need to have that faith in myself too and believe that I can still achieve everything I want to achieve in this lifetime. I am very blessed to have a roof over my head, clothes to keep me warm, and food to eat everyday. As long as I have that there is nothing stopping me from doing what I want to do. I will work my ass off until I get where I want to be. I hope I keep writing throughout my process of working hard and share my experiences for my future self. I will leave you with a nice quote..

If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward. – Martin Luther King Jr.

Until next time..

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